The Greatest Gatsby

September 1st of last year, Casey and I wandered into Brother Wolf, a local animal shelter "just in case" we found something we liked. We circled the place probably a dozen times before Casey set his eyes on this potbelly hound dog that looked like he may be ill because he wasn't moving or making a sound. His eyes wandered, but he made no attempts to get up or to check out my wiggling fingers reaching through his crate. Casey insisted we didn't turn him down until we'd had some time to play with him outside of his crate. So we took him to a little play area and this scared little pup started to warm up a little bit and there went my heart. A mere 120$ later and we had a crate, food, a collar, leash, toys and a dog.  It was the easiest thing ever. He was ours.

Weeks past and our little potbelly baby was growing fast. He chewed on everything. He peed everywhere. He tore up a section of our carpet. He learned to fetch a beer out of the refrigerator. He developed a deep love for Christmas. He learned to give kisses. He figured out how to howl.

It wasn't terribly long before he started sleeping in the bed with us -- maybe 2 months into having him. Our "just this one time" slumber party turned into every other night and then that turned into every night. We had said we weren't going to have one of those dogs but we just couldn't help it. We wanted to snuggle with him at night. We wanted him to sleep in something more comfortable than his crate. We wanted the best for him.

In May, we moved to our house that we picked out just for him. It has a massive backyard for him to play in. We wanted him to have lots of room to run and exercise. He hated it at first. I remember when we pulled the moving truck up, we were giddy to put him in the backyard and watch him claim his land. But instead of roaming and exploring, he wouldn't leave the gate. He sat there howling until we went back there with him. And by howling, I mean it was like he was screaming. He wasn't a fan of the independence. Thankfully, he grew out of that {mostly}.

We loved him so much. I never knew it was possible to love something so much. We went from free spirited newly weds who'd moved across the country to domesticated in a heartbeat the moment he became ours. He was our baby. I was missing my family's dog and had raging baby fever so he was what we got and we loved him with our whole hearts. We raised him and tried to teach him. We talked to him like he spoke english. Casey even read the Bible to him most mornings. We were sad when he made bad decisions and we were excited when he made achievements like when he learned to swim or when Casey taught him to play frisbee. He was our baby.

You see, we don't have a door that goes straight to the backyard at our house. We have a side door and then a little gate that goes into the backyard. A few times since we moved into our house, Gatsby has gotten out by slipping away from us in the 5 foot walk from the house to the backyard. He wasn't really a runner but there was a dog he always wanted to try to go see. Yesterday morning, I had him in the backyard while I was getting ready for work. Casey had just left to go to work himself. Gatsby was howling like he wanted to go inside so I went out there. When I went out there, he tried to lure me into playing fetch so I walked a few steps into the backyard and played with him for a little while. He was crazy hyper and would fetch the stick and then take a few laps around the backyard over and over again. He ran at me and I went to grab his collar to take him inside and he swerved past me. I hadn't shut the gate. It was 9 am and traffic was churning. He ran right into the traffic and was struck on the head. He was awake for a while but stopped breathing before I could make it to a vet. The vet even shot him with some stuff to get his heart going again once I got there but there was no response. It was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life to watch my little boy run so blindly into destruction. I was completely helpless. My heart is so broken.

We put boundaries in Gatsby's life to keep him safe. We made sure we found a house with a fence. We always made sure and held onto his collar the whole walk from our side door to the backyard. We were working on teaching him commands like "stay" and "come" to get him to listen to directions better. It was our worst nightmare that he would leave those boundaries because we knew what was outside of that. We knew our street was busy. We knew that if he didn't stay within the boundaries we gave him, he would get hurt. And he did.

The Lord has given us guidelines in His word. He warns against so many things that we think we can toe the line of. He warns against the power of sexual lust, the lust of money and worldly possessions, the destruction of pride and so many other things. He promises us over and over again that He has a plan, that He makes things happen for the good of those who love Him, that He withholds certain things at certain times because He has a greater plan. And so many times in my life so far and the life I will live, I have said and I will probably continue to say "no thanks" at times. I think that I know better. I think that I know what's best for me better. And that's the most ridiculous thing in the world because He is the one who formed the earth by commanding it into existence, the one who formed me in my mother's womb, the great I am. And time after time, I know that His heart breaks as He watches us enter into destruction when we leave His boundaries. Because He doesn't keep us there to contain us, but to protect us.

So please, if you're reading this and you're living in something outside of the Lord's promises, just stop. If you're going down a road and you don't think He's called you there, don't go. And if you don't know the God of the universe that I know, know this: I brought a dog into my home a year ago and loved him so powerfully my heart hurt to contain so much love for him. And there is a Father who loves you so much more that even that.

It's a hard time right now for Casey and I and we would love for you to pray for us. Our house seems a little too quiet and our bed feels a little too empty. If you've read all of this, thank you.






Today, it's exactly 3 months later since we lost our babe. It still hurts. The mourning hasn't stopped. Casey and I have talked about what we would do if we could just have one more day with Gatsby. I know wouldn't lecture him. I wouldn't be mad at the fact that he didn't listen to me as I shouted for him to stop. I would just hold him and kiss him and tell him how much I love him still and wish he were still with us. We would just be with him. I miss him so much, it hurts my heart. I wish he had chosen better. And y'all, that's exactly how the Lord loves us. As he watches us choose things other than him, as he watches us chase after dogs that lead us to death, as He reaches out His arms to only have us swerve past Him and onto something else, He simply loves us. And He yearns for us to turn back and come home.

I told Gatsby's story at Young Life club on Monday night and read them the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15. The best part of that story is when the father of the son who ran away sees his son returning home from a distance. The son never even had to knock on the door of his father's house. His father was waiting there, hoping to see him. And when he saw him, he ran to him and embraced him. He put new clothes on him and placed a ring on his finger. He kissed his face and rejoiced, exclaiming, "My son has returned! My son was dead, but he is alive again! He was lost, but how he is found!" No lecturing. No punishing. Only ovewhelming joy at the fact that his son had returned to where he was meant to be.