Albus Gats

Well...the list has grown again. The list of things in my life that looked completely different a month ago. Meeting Albus for the first time was strange. On one hand, I was so excited to finally meet him. He's been "ours" for a few weeks but we had to wait for him to turn 8 weeks. On another hand, there was definitely some weird deja vu. The puppy breath, the new toys, the peeing on my lap...all things we've experienced before. Except the last pup we took into our arms and brought home isn't here anymore. That one didn't turn out as planned. We've grieved deeply the past month and Albus is in no way a means to stop the grieving. I don't think we'll ever stop missing Gatsby. That's just the way those things go. There are so many things he never got to do or learn. He never quite caught on to the whole lifting of the leg thing when he peed. He never, ever got to that stage where we could trust him not to chew on things...but he was getting so much better at it. He never got to be big brother to our babies -- something we talked about quite a bit. He never got to turn two or to experience old age. And I know it's crazy to talk this way about him because he was a dog. It's not like he was my child or anything. But in a way, he filled our life like a child does. Every day, I still find my feet searching for him as I wake up. For a split second, I've wondered if I'm running low on dog food when I pass it in the grocery store before I remember that I haven't needed dog food. It's still really hard, even though we've chosen to love another. We've chosen to take another clumsy, wobbly baby on four legs into our home and call him ours. And maybe it's too soon but we really feel that if Gatsby were here...he would have liked this new play mate. Because he's really, really cute. And he's really, really nice.

To Albus Gats. Named after the great wizard, and the great big brother he never got to meet.