So continuing the series I started last week...here is what I wrote from our first date. After calling me on the 6th, he called me later that weekend to asking if going rock climbing that next Monday worked. Young Life had been cancelled so I was free. Notice this is two different entries. One was waiting for Casey to pick me up for our first date and one was me recapping it afterwards.
Take a look into 19-20 year old Ashton's mind.
She's irrational, over-analytical, and very very sad. Her parents are split up
but not divorced. Her stress level is making her sick. She throws up most
mornings because there is so much acid in her system. Sometimes there's blood in
there so the doctors are running all sorts of tests. Turns out it's just acid
reflux. But she doesn't know it yet. Her sister is very sick too. Later, they
would find out she has Systemic Rheumatoid Arthritis but it took a very long
time for them to figure out what was wrong. She works a lot.
{I have copied this
directly from my journal completely unedited. Words written in red are my
commentary}
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Date: October 10, 2011 7:43 PM
{waiting for Casey to pick me up}
I. AM. STINKING. NERVOUS.
I kind of hate this.
I kind of wish this wasn't even happening.
Because I'm scared.
I'm scared I might decide I really like him after this and he might not. And I almost feel guilty because the poor guy doesn't even know what he's getting into if this works out. NO ONE deserves to be dragged into my mess of a life. I hate this feeling of nervousness! I haven't been this nervous in a very long time. I think I might vomit.
{AND THEN in a moment of genius I decided to spend some time with Jesus}
8:00 PM
From Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sarah Young: "Trust me enough to let things happen without striving to predict or control them...when you project yourself into the future, rehearsing what you will do or say, you are seeking to be self-sufficient: to be adequate without My help." Psalm 37:3-6, Phillipians 4:29
Seriously Jesus? Thank you. Thank for knowing me so well. I needed that and you knew it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
October 11, 2011 12:05 AM
Dear Ashton,
Your expectations are stupid. You should probably try not to have those anymore.
Love, Ashton
Date with Casey was GREAT. Conversation flowed well. We never had that awkwardly silent moment where I strived to think of something to say. Conversation wasnt too deep but it wasn't completely surface level at the same time -- which is a GOOD thing. I don't know why I assumed we would immediately go to topics I wasn't going to want to talk about. Maybe it's because that's how Summer Staff was. Deep conversations were had pretty much immediately upon arrival. Overall, it was a very successful date and I would definitely go on a second date with him. Here's a play-by-play:
He picked me up at 8:10 exactly -- gave me a hug (two-armed) and opened my car door (check). Drove to where he thought a burger place was but he couldn't find it so we decided on Jack-In-The-Box because we wanted somethign quick in order to guarantee us maximum climbing time. This might sound like a negative set back but I actually thought it was awesome. The fact that he chose rock climbing was enough to impress me that I didn't need a fancy restaurant. I was very comfortable around him the whole time. I never felt like I couldn't completely be myself with him and I never felt the need to impress him. We only climbed for like 30 minutes before we called it quits and sat down on some couches that were there and talked. Turns out rock climbing takes alot more endurance than I remember it taking. I think I'll defintely be sore tomorrow. Carrying a tray at work may be a little difficult. {I was a waitress at Pappadeaux at the time} Anywho, I'm not walking away fro mthis thinking he's going to be my husband {hahaha}, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested in seeing him again. I think the fact that I'm feeling so casual about this is confirmation that this is okay to be doing. So many times with guys, I've gotten so excited so fact to where it's consumed me and well, none of those have worked out obviously. I'm excited to see where this ends up but I'm not anxious anymore and that's exactly where I think the Lord wants me. See that? I'm growing :)
End Time: 12:45 AM
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Hilarious and sweet. I was such a mess! Thank God the years of dating are over. Also, I'm not quite sure why I feel it's neccessary to write the beginning and end times on my journal entries but it's kind of funny. I know I would have gotten home around 10 or 10:30 so this was a good 2 hours later. Rumor has it that Casey might just let you all into his journal next week...stay tuned!
my birthday
ReplyDeleteha! It was
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