Hey! Remember me? That girl that writes this blog? Life has been weird lately. For starters, Casey and Marcel have been on a cruise (that I was obviously invited to but don't have the vacation time for) and I've been all on my lonesome this past week. That means nobody has been here to kick my butt out of bed when I get off of work and make me not be lazy. {So I've been lazy and unproductive} Coincidentally, the Lord has been walking me through some sadness the past few weeks. I haven't been sad about anything in particular. Just sad. Unmotivated. Lonely. With no obvious reason why. I've hit a break through this week though. You see, He's made me realize this past week that I'd been doing this whole "self sufficient" thing. With my dream job, my dream hubs, my fun foreign exchange kid and so many Jesus loving, interesting friends, I've been relying a lot on that and just a little on Jesus. And so, my heart grew sad without reason. My hope grew dimmer and my confidence shattered. And then BAM. He revealed in a moment that He's been leading me through a place where He is is so quiet so that I could see what I become without Him.
So I haven't been writing because I didn't know what to say. Maybe that's more than you wanted to read tonight.
Want to hear a little more of my silly thoughts from back in the day? Tonight's installment is a happier one. Casey and I had been dating for around 2 months. During that time, I broke up with him...and we stayed broken up for a whole 24 hours. You don't need to know why. Just remember that I was a mess at that point in life.
December 3, 2011 11:53 PM
Quite a bit has changed since I wrote last. I really wish I'd been documenting because I would have had alot to say the past couple weeks. I guess I'll just catch you up now, reader.
First off, I'm totally helplessly in love with Casey. Yea, shocker. I'm not really sure when it happened. It just kind of grew on me and before I knew it, the words just popped out of my lips one day. It was the night we got back together after breaking up for 24 hours. One might look at a 24 hour breakup and say I'm silly for doing so, but really, it needed to happen. We all know I'd been wanting to run since I first agreed to date one with Casey because I was scared and didn't want any more " complications" in my life. And we all know I typically have to learn the hard way. So I needed to break up with CAsey to satisfy that desire to run away. And I needed to break up with him to realize that's not what I wanted at all. And that CAsey wasn't someone to be scared of and that I didn't want to handle my problems like that. I wasn't going to let my current situation rob me of my joy. I wasn't going to just quit life and hide just because things are hard. I thought I wanted the easy way out, but I'm learning there really isn't one for me. I just have to choose which struggle to battle through. So the day after I broke things off, I battled this dilemma in my mind all day and ended up at his house after work, spilling my guts and telling him I'd learned my lesson. Side note: he was supposed to be in Austin that night, but ended up not going because he was so bummed. We went back and forth for a while but in the end we hugged it out and later that night, he dropped the L bomb. And it feels so good to be in love with him. I adore him. I want him to be the one. I wouldn't say I'm positive I'm going to marry him one day, but that doesn't mean I'm not rooting for him.
YL Mr. Christmas Tree pageant is this Monday and it's going to be great. I can't believe this semester is already over pretty much. I'm not really looking forward to going back to school {I'd stopped going to classes a few weeks into the semester...} in the spring but I need to at least take a class or two. I don't want to fell too far out of the swing of things. My heart still yearns to be back at Crooked Creek every day. I dream of it at least once a week and I'm seriously considering a way to move down there or at last to Colorado. Anyways I'm off to bed. I'll update more tomorrow.
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Remember that whole Colorado thing for next week. It gets good.
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